Small White Dogs
I’m aware that my Neptune-Mercury-Moon conjunction in Sagittarius in the 2nd/3rd contributes to my near-weak knees when encountering adorable, small, white dogs. A little boy me can come out to play when I get around them, and I’ve often caught myself making cute noises and practically squealing with joy when playing with them.
A palm-reading girlfriend of mine once looked at my palm and asked with wonder, “What’s the big deal with your work with animals down the road?” I didn’t really have any idea the time. Would my work take me to animals? Would my then-opening psychic abilities be applied to work with or heal animals? Would I start walking dogs for a living or volunteer at a shelter? Go back into cooking and cut up more headless carcasses? I suppose any of these things could happen, but I didn’t think so. Recently, though, I’ve become aware of another, entirely more likely possibility.
When the aliens invade earth in the near future, I will be chosen by them as an ambassador to represent humanity. Due to some physiological limitations, the only way a few, select humans will be able to communicate with them will be through psychic dialogues with our own small white dogs.
I know what you’re thinking: Yes, I’ll be a very important person. You have my word that I’ll try to look out for your interests, and I won’t demean you or point and laugh at you unless forced to. Or unless overcome by how silly you look in the uniforms they’re going to make you wear as you harvest the Yellow #5 fields for the casseroles you’ll prepare and bake that they’ll need to survive.
I read somewhere that my 2nd house Sun trine the Midheaven indicates being favored by those in high government positions later in life. I suppose if I did a kind of astrology that could include such statements I might be able to time the arrival of the invasion force and give you all a heads up, so you could scramble around and grab your most-treasured possessions and try to run, but as it is I’m just a counseling karmic astrologer. But hey, that means I’m uniquely situated to help you understand the kinds of larger soul journeys that have you signed up for enslavement and perpetual degradation by an alien invasion force.
It’ll be hard to be separated from all of you as you toil in the Yellow #5 fields, and I’ll miss you. I suppose I’ll have to get used to enjoying without you all the creature comforts imaginable as I hang out with my dogs, playing a lot of five card stud and being immortalized on velvet, the favorite art medium of this particular alien force. I’m going to do everything I can to adjust, because I’ll be working on behalf of humanity, all of you, you poor, exhausted, yellow-stained people.
All of my Libran diplomacy (Pluto-Venus in 12th, Ascendant, Uranus-Mars in 1st) will come into play when translating the volumes of edicts of the invasion force command over the loudspeakers towering over the Yellow #5 fields. I’m confident that even as your backs seem be breaking, I will be able to make you think that what you have in place of freedoms are in fact freedoms, and that I’ll be able to make you feel not so bad about the constant perversion and diminishment of them (Jupiter in Capricorn in the 3rd, Saturn in Gemini in the 9th).
And if for some reason you’re not buying any of this, maybe you’ll vote for me for tyrannical overlord in the preceding government, the one that’ll be destroyed by the alien invasion force. As tryannical overlord, I promise to….
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July 11, 2007 By Tom Jacobs